Monday, June 10, 2013

Blaze #4: Not Going to Bed Angry

From the very beginning of our marriage, we've made it a priority to not go to bed angry.

"Do not let the sun go down on your anger" ~Ephesians 4:26

The Bible lays this out as a clear principle, and someone, at some point counseled us about how important it was.  So we didn't.  And the first few times it felt so pointless.  Several times we stayed up until 2 or 3am just working through an argument to get to the point of forgiveness, or at least mutual understanding where anger was not present, and we could move forward in unity as a "team".

Sometimes it's been him and sometimes it's been me, but each of us has been angry enough to want to pitch this rule if not for the other hounding us to not let the issue carry on into the next day.  The result has been that we don't seethe, stacking up our bitterness and anger and frustrations one on top of the other.

It has taught us to work through conflict at the time that it comes up, and not let it build up to a fever pitch of fury and loathing.

Just a few months ago, after a disagreement of some kind (of course now I don't even remember what it was), I quietly grabbed my things and sneaked out to the couch... I was hell-bent, stubborn in my refusal to grab my pillows and head back to bed.  (I will not share with you the thoughts going through my head but suffice it to say I was NOT thinking nice things.  I was ready to sit on that couch until the end of time.)  But he came out and pursued me... reminded me how much more important our relationship is than a little sleep... we worked through it and went to bed at peace-- unified.

Even after all these years, it did not come naturally to work through problems.  It still takes effort from us both in order to make it happen.  Him pursuing me, and me yielding... or me pursuing conversation with him, and him entering into that communication.

It is so easy to let momentary frustrations carry the day (or the night) and keep you in a state of unforgiveness and anger, but it is so much better to force communication (even when we don't want to!) in order to pursue peace in our marriages.

Don't let the anger of one stupid argument (that you won't even remember later) stack up bitterness in your relationship.  Maintain peace and unity as the "status quo" of your relationship.

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