Thursday, April 9, 2009

Study Your Husband!

This post is probably more directed at the new-ish wife, but could be something all of us (including me!) need to hear from time to time. In fact, the reason this is on my mind and I'm writing about it is because it's something I've been needing to re-focus on for ME. Something that I have done well in some ways and not so good in other ways is to really study my husband.

Here are some beneficial results from really getting to know our husbands well:

  • Our efforts to show them love & kindness are more likely to hit the bullseye where they really feel it in ways that are meaningful for them
  • It is very likely that our marriages will improve.
  • We will become more kind & considerate in our daily lives, and in our homes, which (all on its own) is a good thing.
  • We will become more like Christ, as we learn to know and love and joyfully serve the people around us and meet them where they're at.
  • We can model biblical one-anothering in the context of marriage to the children and/or friends God has given us.
So what kind of areas should we focus on?
  • Are there ways I could show respect to him that I'm not currently proactive about? (i.e., what he likes for dinner, how I dress, decisions in the home, in group conversations, etc.)
  • What makes him feel relaxed? stressed? carefree? blessed? angry? lighthearted? We are blessed to live in a time filled with options for learning more about personalities, love languages, learning styles, temperaments, and more. We could all benefit from taking time to really study what makes our individual husbands "tick".
  • How can I encourage him? Though the world treats men as though they're always full of bravado and oozing with self-confidence, the truth is that most men could do with some encouragement. Kind words, a supportive spirit, and actions to assist or help will go a long way towards helping your husband feel at peace and capable in life.
  • What blesses him in the area of intimacy? (What does he really like? Are there things you could wear, say, or do that would make your times together more special or enjoyable for him? Does it knock his socks off when you initiate? Is a backrub something that would make his week?) Many men derive a lot of joy and satisfaction from physical touch shared with their wives... and as we've talked about before, even if it means we have to expand our "menu", we WANT our husbands to revel and delight in US! We can all stand to grow more aware of and sensitive to our husbands in this area.
  • What ways can we enjoy relaxing together? Does he really enjoy the quiet? Perhaps there's a hobby you can take up where you could sit quietly alongside him and just enjoy the peace and quiet at the end of a hard week. Does he like to get out together? Perhaps there's a couple you could trade off babysitting duties with so that time out together can be a priority.
We don't all have the same husbands... but we do all have the opportunity to get to know the one we have. :) So let's do it together. Any other ideas or comments? Challenging words? Stories about how this has happened over the course of your marriage? Come on-- share your thoughts about being a wife that carefully studies your husband!


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